Rabbi Howard Morrison

I hear it all the time at a funeral, shiva house, and an unveiling - "How did your loved one die?" I guess it is a natural human impulse or need to ask this question.

In Parshat Chayei Sarah, we read about the very first deaths in Jewish history. A generation comes to an end. At the outset of the Parsha, Sarah passes away. We find Abraham grieving and preparing for her funeral. At the end of the Parsha, we read of Abraham's death. The weekly portion concludes the first generation of Jewish history, the finality of the first patriarch and matriarch.

Yet, I would surmise that the Parsha teaches us not to dwell on death. After all, based on the opening words, the portion is entitled, "Chayei Sarah - The life, or even, lives of Sarah." Rather than asking how one died, we should rather ask, how a loved one lived? Life affirming values can then be passed on to following generations of family and to friends.

When Abraham dies, we read that he was "Zaken V'Save'ah - old and satisfied." Rather than focusing on his death, we should rather ask, "What made Abraham satisfied towards the end of his life? " One answer can be found in the narrative between the two deaths. Abraham arranges for the future of his legacy by securing a bride for Isaac. Abraham died in a satisfied manner because he knew before his passing that the generational continuity of his family was assured.

So, when we remember loved ones who have passed on, can we focus on the merit of their lives and the ideals which brought them satisfaction and contentment?

Rabbi Howard Morrison